Dear Kanen... Love Always Mommy - 12/13/2019

Dear Kanen,

As I lay here in bed and think about you, I honestly can’t believe another day has come to an end. I suppose it is one day closer to you but it’s also one day more since I last saw you. I miss you with every fiber of my being.  There is not a minute that goes by without thinking of you. I stare at your beautiful pictures and I wonder why. Why did it have to be our story. Why did you have to leave. I long to see you and hear you again. You are the most beautiful boy I’ve ever known. Both inside and out and I feel like you were stolen from me.  Tonight we were taking apart one of the little trees we had all of your things on for a while now. As we were taking it apart I asked Daddy where we should keep it, and we both decided in your “treasure” box. Inside are all of your treasures. You will never get to see those treasures again. However I put them in the box almost as if to keep them safe until you return. Why does it feel like you will return? It is so unfair.

We are wrapping up your twelve days of Kanen and I think I could keep going! Should I share our singing the 12 days of Christmas! We loved to snuggle and sing songs when you weren’t feeling good. I miss you so incredibly much. Please continue to help me get through each day. Because honestly I don’t know how I am doing it.  I love you Kanen, always did & always will until I see that beautiful face of yours again.  I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you better. I tried so hard. I really did. You didn’t deserve any of this. I love you baby boy. 

Love always, Mommy ❤️